random thoughts……

A Sad Day July 21, 2011

Today marks the end of the shuttle program and our manned space flight program. Despite what we might be hearing from NASA and the government, the current economy and budget situations will, in my opinion, signal an end to further manned missions for a very long time. And that’s very sad for many reasons which I’m sure a lot of people will go into.

In a country where political ideology seek to divide us, the economy depresses us, and we’re constantly over stimulated with “news” and other inputs, the space program has always had the ability to grab our attention, bring us together, and focus us. Even if only for a short moment, we are all one country, one family, with few thoughts of anything else. My life has been personally effected by NASA and the shuttle program, so I thought I’d relate my personal perspective on what this means.

Some of my clearest memories have been around the space program. I was too young to remember the Apollo landings, but I very clearly remember the first shuttle launch. I had just gone through some turmoil in my life (moving across country and into a rural community from a large city) and the launch of the shuttle Columbia (which in later years would come to have significant meaning in my life) seemed to make my dreams of a Star Trek-like future just a little closer. Hey, I was 15…

On January 28, 1986, I sat mesmerized in front of a television on the campus of Huntingdon College, crying with the rest of my friends and the nation at the disaster that had just befallen Challenger. But, the ultimate result of this terrible disaster was to pull the nation together and give everyone a renewed sense of energy and determination to continue.

My attention in the following years would wax and wane but I always seemed to have one eye on what was going on with NASA, particularly as the internet grew and with it the ability to follow what was going on.

In 1996, after yet another round of big change in my life (moving to Colorado, coming out, meeting Shawn, the love of my life, getting laid off for the first time), again NASA added to it (and, saved me from some of it?). This time, an opportunity came to go to work for Sterling Software, who had a contract to do computer support for the NASA Ames Research Center. Wow. NASA. I was actually going to work at NASA!  It was only managing a computer support group in the Life Sciences division, but hey, it was freaking NASA!! So Shawn and I packed up the cats and moved to San Francisco.

This opportunity turned out to be even more than I had dreamed of. I got to do a lot of good work in the division with the support side – including traveling by private jet down to Edwards AFB where we were escorted by some F-117 Nighthawk’s and, even more cool, we were able to climb up the latter and look into the cockpit of a SR-71 Blackbird. I was in heaven. Really smart people around me, cool NASA stuff – what else could a total geek like me want? I also traveled to Johnson Space Center for some meetings and got to tour that facility (including mission control). Sweet!

Then, sort of organically, I had an opportunity to create a new task (contract-ese for a specific contract job) to manage – a software development task to work on data acquisition and visualization software for an upcoming shuttle mission called Neurolab (STS-90). The Life Sciences division had several experiments going into the SpaceLab module and needed to capture in real-time data from the experiments.

This is where the tie back to Columbia comes in – Neurolab was going to fly on Columbia, the first space-worthy shuttle and the first shuttle in space! I was pumped. I was even more excited when I learned that I was going to be at KSC for launch and the entire mission. OMG. Kennedy Space Center. The VAB. The launch pads. And I get to SEE THE LAUNCH IN PERSON!!

I had one more surprise in store for me. Once I got to KSC several days before the launch, I found out that we needed to do some service on equipment that was in the Mobile Launch Platform – the thing the Shuttle sits on when assembled in the VAB, and the thing that the crawler is under when moving the shuttle out to the pad. It’s actually a 2-story building with equipment inside.

Anyway, we needed to do some maintenance on some of our equipment that was in the MLP. On the pad. Under Columbia! Holy cow!!! So, a co-worker and I got in the car with another NASA employee and we headed out to the pad. There was a croc laying on the crawlway – apparently that happens frequently because the rocks of the crawlway are quite warm.

We got to the pad and I had butterflies. There’s Columbia. Right in front of me. In a few days it would be blasting into space. We got past the guard at the fence and went up. Here’s where things get really fuzzy for me – I was so excited and full of adrenaline that I only remember certain things: going on top of the MLP – ducking under Columbia’s tail – so close I could reach out and touch it. Riding up the elevator. The memories can be quite overpowering still, so many years later.

Then it was Launch Day – April 17, 1998. Oh, my – words just can’t explain what it’s like to be there in person. The excitement. The noise. The rumbling in your chest – your body literally vibrates with the power. Did I mention it was loud? And, for me, the knowledge that a little part of me when up in the SpaceLab, tucked securely in the cargo bay of Columbia. I learned at that time that ever since the Challenger disaster, custom dictates that you don’t clap/celebrate until SRB separation (after Challenger exploded). It wasn’t really a problem – I think I was so awed seeing the launch that I sorta just stood there in stunned silence. I do remember my co-worker, Sheila, jumping up and down screaming “Go Columbia. Go Neurolab”. I did finally realize that I was crying and hugging everyone around me. That memory still brings tears to my eyes.

The mission went great – we got lots of good data. After landing and several months of cleanup, it was time to move on to other things (job-wise). But my time at NASA/Sterling will forever be the best job I’ve ever had in terms of just pure joy. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end there. On February 1, 2003, I was outside our house doing something when Shawn came outside and said his brother had just called saying there had been an accident with the shuttle. I hadn’t really been paying attention to this particular shuttle mission, so I really had no idea what the mission was about. I turned on the TV and immediately found news coverage. Columbia had apparently burned up on re-entry. And, over northern Texas (I had moved to Austin by this time).

Again with the crying – I had been within arms reach of Columbia, and now it and it’s 7-member crew were no more. I had this sinking feeling that with an aging shuttle fleet and no plans to build more, this might mean the end. It turned out to be the beginning of the end, just not immediately and for that I’m grateful. We had many more years of science and exploration before today’s end.

So, from a very personal perspective, the shuttle program provided me with many of the most memorable moments in my life, and I believe for many others as well. I’m quite overwhelmed at the moment – happiness at all the great moments it has brought me over the years – mixed with a deep emptiness knowing that I will never again have any more of those moments.

Goodbye shuttle program, this is indeed a very sad day.